Living for free?

I am living in an apartment for free, all my stuffs are provided by my parents, fuck, I am blessed yet I always take that for granted.

I remember the time when I spent my summer working at grandma's place. She woke me up at dawn everyday yet she doesn't have an alarm clock. She boils water and make coffee or milk or something hot choco paired with fresh bread or biscuits. Then the day starts, manual labor from sun up to sun down. Really, everything you put in your mouth is from your labor. Everything. I am thankful that she owns a store and those candies makes me sane. I almost lost my mind there. I feel so weak, so weak, so stupid, all those knowledge from books are shit. You must do it, learn fast, think fast. Survive. My perception of reality just shatters. Here is a boy growing with a weak body and you place him in a Cordilleran jungle. He will die, that is guaranteed. So what should he do, atleast a preparation for this situation? Law of the jungle: there are no law. Do everything to survive. Be physically tough and strong. Be mentally resilient and sharp. Have a group of friends at your side in times of need. Give in return. Learn how to plant, fish, raise livestock, defend. Really do all the heavy lifting, and just work hard, work hard, because this life is tough, work long, work hard, work smart. Do whatever it is in your power to be well fed, to be safe, to be rich. There are many parasites, many chameleons, many bitches, sucking up, soaking up with that hard earned wealth. What is wealth anyway? Wealth is knowledge, wealth is produced, wealth is valued. Those three are essential behaviour of wealth.

Wealth is energy. A trade is basically a transfer of energy from one source to another. A value of one man to another. In reality, any physically healthy individual is wealthy in while just like a healthy pig. They are stupid but you know their value and what you want to do is to capitalize with that little intellect and tap on their youth energy for your benefit. Want sex? Hire bitches. Want a house? Hire freshly grad engineers, plumbers, electrician, and chief engineer to overrule or you just manage them all. You need stupid strong men to be on your side as security and to signal them to be better do shit or they will be killed. Want pure economics? Yeah, but, in the dark side. You exploit their energy, time, body, but in exchange you have them a purpose in their stupid life. They believe in religion? Exploit that stupidity. They believe in culture? Fuck that. How about education? They don't understand math, use this against the common sheep.

The people use their stomach and genitals as their brain and nothing more satisfying than to see them work them that way. They raise children then expect the children to take care of them when they got old. The children are spoiled and the parents are exploited. What the fuck life is that? People work hard for the wrong purpose and children love their parents for the wrong purpose just because of their very nature. Food and sex, food and sex.

Am I not included?

What will be my motivation beyond food and sex? If ever I'll be successful being wealthy? Will this satisfy me? How about the pursuit of excellence? This is what's happening, I'll do intellectual works yet I am expecting an incentive about the works I am working on. Wait a minute, is that is an incentive? Working because I have something to get from it, is that right. It makes sense because it's intuitive for man to take a venture of positive returns because the results guarantee his chances of survival, so going off tangent with human nature is rather difficult and I better do as my inclinations dictate.

So if this is the case, no matter how idealistic of perfect wife, wealth, health, power, influence, this in not perfect for perfection follows not the path but of the container. Let perfection suit you, not the other way around. So that makes sense, there is no golden standard, there is a waste standard, dynamically changing, no good or bad, I could stare at a girl without feeling guilty and shit, I could masturbate on my sexy neighbor. But stop. That's when we get to the second template of this puzzle: self respect.

Eventhough you choose your path, take the path that will yield the finest fruit. If you spend your time on porn this will eventually ruin you. Just stop.