Living for free?

I am living in an apartment for free, all my stuffs are provided by my parents, fuck, I am blessed yet I always take that for granted.

I remember the time when I spent my summer working at grandma's place. She woke me up at dawn everyday yet she doesn't have an alarm clock. She boils water and make coffee or milk or something hot choco paired with fresh bread or biscuits. Then the day starts, manual labor from sun up to sun down. Really, everything you put in your mouth is from your labor. Everything. I am thankful that she owns a store and those candies makes me sane. I almost lost my mind there. I feel so weak, so weak, so stupid, all those knowledge from books are shit. You must do it, learn fast, think fast. Survive. My perception of reality just shatters. Here is a boy growing with a weak body and you place him in a Cordilleran jungle. He will die, that is guaranteed. So what should he do, atleast a preparation for this situation? Law of the jungle: there are no law. Do everything to survive. Be physically tough and strong. Be mentally resilient and sharp. Have a group of friends at your side in times of need. Give in return. Learn how to plant, fish, raise livestock, defend. Really do all the heavy lifting, and just work hard, work hard, because this life is tough, work long, work hard, work smart. Do whatever it is in your power to be well fed, to be safe, to be rich. There are many parasites, many chameleons, many bitches, sucking up, soaking up with that hard earned wealth. What is wealth anyway? Wealth is knowledge, wealth is produced, wealth is valued. Those three are essential behaviour of wealth.

Wealth is energy. A trade is basically a transfer of energy from one source to another. A value of one man to another. In reality, any physically healthy individual is wealthy in while just like a healthy pig. They are stupid but you know their value and what you want to do is to capitalize with that little intellect and tap on their youth energy for your benefit. Want sex? Hire bitches. Want a house? Hire freshly grad engineers, plumbers, electrician, and chief engineer to overrule or you just manage them all. You need stupid strong men to be on your side as security and to signal them to be better do shit or they will be killed. Want pure economics? Yeah, but, in the dark side. You exploit their energy, time, body, but in exchange you have them a purpose in their stupid life. They believe in religion? Exploit that stupidity. They believe in culture? Fuck that. How about education? They don't understand math, use this against the common sheep.

The people use their stomach and genitals as their brain and nothing more satisfying than to see them work them that way. They raise children then expect the children to take care of them when they got old. The children are spoiled and the parents are exploited. What the fuck life is that? People work hard for the wrong purpose and children love their parents for the wrong purpose just because of their very nature. Food and sex, food and sex.

Am I not included?

What will be my motivation beyond food and sex? If ever I'll be successful being wealthy? Will this satisfy me? How about the pursuit of excellence? This is what's happening, I'll do intellectual works yet I am expecting an incentive about the works I am working on. Wait a minute, is that is an incentive? Working because I have something to get from it, is that right. It makes sense because it's intuitive for man to take a venture of positive returns because the results guarantee his chances of survival, so going off tangent with human nature is rather difficult and I better do as my inclinations dictate.

So if this is the case, no matter how idealistic of perfect wife, wealth, health, power, influence, this in not perfect for perfection follows not the path but of the container. Let perfection suit you, not the other way around. So that makes sense, there is no golden standard, there is a waste standard, dynamically changing, no good or bad, I could stare at a girl without feeling guilty and shit, I could masturbate on my sexy neighbor. But stop. That's when we get to the second template of this puzzle: self respect.

Eventhough you choose your path, take the path that will yield the finest fruit. If you spend your time on porn this will eventually ruin you. Just stop.

Grandma Linda and the Energy Meridians

Last summer break, I spent my time at grandma's house. In the morning we do garden work and in the evening I took care of the store.

For about three weeks there I noticed she wakes up early dawn precisely at five o'clock, I call the five o'clock crunch. It's interesting that she aligned her body to the natural cycle of the sun, all without the aid of alarm clock.

So I get up take water from the tap to boil it, after a while we will enjoy a warm cup of coffee or choco with crackers or bread. After that, we will feed the geese with boiled chayote fruit added with feeds which are dried yellow sweet corn.

There will be something to be done in this time like picking chayote fruit to be cooked in the evening or maybe carrying a sack of manure, or sharpening the knives, cleaning the house. All these are done about seven o'clock. A two hour perfect timing from the Energy Meridian.

We will cook rice, then the viand. Get the tools, pack the lunch, lock the house, go to work, walk in boots. Work mine o'clock to eleven o'clock but that's not the case. Work for an hour then snack, work again. Lunch would be twelve thirty pm.

We continue work on around two then finish around three thirty. There goes another day.

I always reflect on those moments when the sun is too hot and the weeds are too tough, why am I doing this? Then I reflect on food, I took the convenience of food for granted big time, at grandma's place, all food that pass through my lips are grown within the vicinity. Except for rice, meat, processed etc.

My luxury there was that candies that was sold in the store.

Happiness really is comparison.

Memories of the past will either make me curse or sing for gratitude. Should I then let myself fall to the deepest hole? Voluntarily, that is stupid, stepping on shit to learn it's not a good thing to do.

But why do this? If anything else, for experience.

When I was practicing programming in python I will not get satisfied until I write that code then test it, even how basic it was and repeating it sound stupid because I spend time doing things that wasn't just as important or of any use, but as 50 Cent say it, reality is a drug, the more I take it, the I thirst for more.

Going back, I think my grandma's way of life is beautiful and simple, I don't even know how to properly build a fire for heaven's sake, that experience humbled me, I never know until the hands do the talking.

Would I want such a life? A life in alignment with nature? Hell yeah! It requires hands-on on every movement of the day, that would be great to balance my day dreaming state, always in the "brown eye" the dreamer's gaze, because I learned that when you deliberately ignore reality, boy I should be prepared for a rude awakening.

Math is a great grounding, it's intellectually stimulating at the same time, making me think in reason, not in knee-jerk reaction.

So much for that, anyhow what I want to master was the art of fluidity of the mind, changing accordingly to the present, freely and effortlessly.